Foodie’s Lament

Foodie’s Lament


Gluten ist verboten

tomatoes have been nixed

red meat? –  whoah!

(steroids, bro!)

– your diet must be fixed.


Nightshade veggies – out!

or joints become enflamed;

coffee? – shhhh….

(will wreck your zzz’s!)

…but chamomile’s ok.


Lactose makes you sick

fructose spikes your blood

juices? – no!

(they’ll rot your teeth!)

…but water’s not a dud.


Cheddar cheese? – Oh, please…

your arteries will clog!

Butter? – nope

(your heart will choke!)

…best a tofu dog.


Friendly fish…? I wish.

They’re full of toxins now.

Shrimp? – Lord, no!


It’s hard to find good chow.


A glass of wine?  Well, fine

…if migraines are your thing.

Chocolate – Ha!

(don’t even start!)

Death from all sweets springs!



So good luck as you search

for food that will sustain

That will not kill

That will not ill

Food you need not blame…

A leaf of lettuce –  homegrown!–

a drop of olive oil

a garden apple

sip of eau

if from an icefield flown:


These are your choices now.

Don’t give another thought

to food that tastes

to food of haste

to food that is store-bought.


What doesn’t kill will maim you

will cripple mind and limb:

better to

forget to chew.

A foodie’s life is grim.