Foodie’s Lament

Foodie’s Lament

 

Gluten ist verboten

tomatoes have been nixed

red meat? –  whoah!

(steroids, bro!)

– your diet must be fixed.

 

Nightshade veggies – out!

or joints become enflamed;

coffee? – shhhh….

(will wreck your zzz’s!)

…but chamomile’s ok.

 

Lactose makes you sick

fructose spikes your blood

juices? – no!

(they’ll rot your teeth!)

…but water’s not a dud.

 

Cheddar cheese? – Oh, please…

your arteries will clog!

Butter? – nope

(your heart will choke!)

…best a tofu dog.

 

Friendly fish…? I wish.

They’re full of toxins now.

Shrimp? – Lord, no!

(cholesterol!)

It’s hard to find good chow.

 

A glass of wine?  Well, fine

…if migraines are your thing.

Chocolate – Ha!

(don’t even start!)

Death from all sweets springs!

 

****

So good luck as you search

for food that will sustain

That will not kill

That will not ill

Food you need not blame…

A leaf of lettuce –  homegrown!–

a drop of olive oil

a garden apple

sip of eau

if from an icefield flown:

 

These are your choices now.

Don’t give another thought

to food that tastes

to food of haste

to food that is store-bought.

 

What doesn’t kill will maim you

will cripple mind and limb:

better to

forget to chew.

A foodie’s life is grim.